Gender and Shamanism
This is the second part of a multi-part article series on how I was bonded to my shamanic spirit partner and energetic twin flame. Part 1 introduces John, how I met him in 2024, and how we initially worked together. I recommend reading that (if you haven’t already) before continuing on with this article.
This second part of my story with John explains how he was bonded to me in 2025, the effect it had on my perspectives on gender and shamanism, and what John’s role might eventually help me and my lineage become.
Part 3 shares the deepening of our connection and gender-shifting. And in the final article, I’ll share his removal, eventual permanent return, and lessons learned from losing him.
Healing Crisis and Re-finding the Emperor
In April of 2025, I faced the beginning of a major health crisis. Because it was focused on the upper right quadrant of my body, I knew that working with my male energy was more important than ever. I had been working on this for months, but realized I had reached a stopping point. I am a woman with a woman’s lived experiences and prejudices. I had run out of ways to connect with the masculine.
I journeyed to ask my shaman guides how to proceed with deeper healing of my masculine energy. In response, John, the Emperor, appeared, and they encouraged me to integrate his energy into my right side. I instantly felt all my love for him, and how deeply I felt that when I first met him. I had forgotten how powerful that was, and how strongly I was attracted to him.
Integrating his energy was easy and felt wonderful. What I didn’t expect was that he would follow me out of my journey. I was shocked to discover that once integrated, John just appeared in my life. He was standing next to me, off to my left, and I could feel his presence strongly. And he went everywhere with me. Much later reflection on his status as an Earth-bound spirit helped to put his concreteness into perspective. Even Aileen was surprised at how physical he felt/appeared when we later met for coffee.
This turned out to be just the smallest aspect of our joining. Three weeks later, in another journey focused on John and my healing, our connection was intensified.
Integrating John’s Energy
From my journal, 4/25/25
I’ve been very successful at integrating John’s energy. Like, scary successful. It’s so intense, I question my perceptions of him. And since yesterday, it seems like he’s all I can feel, unless I’m deliberately focused on something unrelated. I’m not completely certain (consciously, anyway) what’s happening. Is John a spirit partner? A shamanic helping spirit?
I understand his role – he and I are opposite sides of the same coin. He’s the extreme masculine that balances the powerful feminine energy I retrieved and integrated (in a soul retrieval journey aided by my shaman guides). He’s not someone I would want as a partner in the physical world, but he is my perfect spirit-mate. I am so drawn to him that it’s been a constant distraction since I started working with him.
In my journey I was told by one of my shaman ancestors that to truly integrate John’s energy and balance my male and female halves, I needed to bring him fully forward. Not just working with my right side, but having him be fully present in my entire form. My ancestor then aided this work, bringing us together energetically, which was intensely sensual. Our hands were joined (my right with his left), and my ancestor aided our merging. No lie, it felt a little like a brief wedding.
So, what exactly is all this? I know it’s healing work. I know that I’m working on uniting my masculine and feminine aspects. But why am I so wrapped up with John? He is SO present. If I sit still long enough (which isn’t very long), I can hear him and feel him inside and outside my body. I don’t have a great way of describing this – it’s strange.
I replaced the gold ring of mom’s that I’ve been wearing on my right hand (for connection with masculine energy). Its design got caught on clothing, and I was worried about damaging it with daily use. When considering what to replace it with recently, I realized I needed something less feminine-looking. Since I now have someone to ask, I settled on a plain gold band that John agreed was something he’d wear. I ended up feeling like I went and got him a ring. It doesn’t really feel like mine. This is so weird.
Edited 6/14 to add: Not long after getting the ring, John showed it to me on his left hand ring finger. It is indeed his.
Gender, Shamanism, and Spirit Partners
From my journal, 5/3/25:
Last night, after working with John, I had a small revelation about my shamanic practice and lineage. I was suddenly able to see my shamanic elders – sitting in daylight around an unlit fire circle, I could see them clearly as men. Not my big, shadowy, awe-inspiring, antlered ancestors, but human men who worked within a male shamanic tradition, and all the mysteries that went with that work. So different from the female shamanic mysteries and studies that I’m learning and moving towards.
In seeing them this way, I suddenly understood my shamanic power in a whole new way. Better understanding the power of female-focused shamanism from my recent re-reading of the Woman in the Shaman’s Body, I could see how they see me. Why I am sacred to them. I am changing our lineage from a male tradition to a female one. In line with the changes we see humanity going through now. This is no small shift. Our lineage will tap into a different kind of power, following a female shaman. I find it interesting that personally, I am leaning into my masculine energy right now, as I tap into my female shamanic power and heritage. But that is part of my work – indigenous women shamans are known for gender-shifting during healing ceremonies and performances, and I feel like that is part of where my path is headed.
I thought about Reindeer as well, and that people are more in touch with his female aspect right now. I have a strong feeling that I need to discover and start working with Reindeer’s female side. I’m realizing that Reindeer is a gender-shifting entity, and I can learn a tremendous amount about bringing my tradition into alignment with a female-shaman perspective by working with their female side, and their ability to change genders. A technique I believe I will be working with John on.
I also feel like I tapped into a part of John’s confidence after our session – that was part of the change of seeing my ancestors. Confidence about my practice, where it seems to be going, what my larger role is, and the shamanic power I wield.
(5/3, Later) More thoughts on the transformation of my lineage. I always knew that there were aspects of my shamanic lineage that I wouldn’t be able to practice. Because of living in a different time and place and not being male. There are aspects of our shamanic work that fit into the realm of mystery traditions. Men’s mysteries, in this case, because of my specific lineage. I witnessed one small piece of this a few years ago, but had no understanding of what I was seeing.
It’s telling (in hindsight) that my third initiation had to be overseen by women – my lineage didn’t participate in the first half of that process. They cannot guide me into the shamanic power of women’s mysteries. In fact, it occurred to me last night (while not sleeping), that I might need to connect with the crone who oversaw my last initiation. (Note: I would later reconnect with her and bring her into the family of shamans that I honor and work with.)
As I go forward with a renewed perspective on my shamanic practice, I’m realizing that Reindeer Medicine will be what undergoes a change with me, from male to female. My practice of Reindeer Medicine, while still connected to my lineage and our traditions, will change, or shift, aspects of our tradition. Barbara Tedlock (The Woman in the Shaman’s Body) sums up the difference between male and female-focused lineages by saying (emphasis mine):
“As a general rule, women shamans, and men trained within a feminine tradition, have an interpersonal orientation; they coax their clients to become active participants in their own healing” [what I strive for in my own shamanic healing sessions]. “Male shamans, and women trained in a masculine tradition, take on a heroic role; they encourage their clients to take on the role of passive spectators at their dramatic performances. It is vital that we understand both paths, crucial that we focus on the entire life-death-rebirth continuum.” (pg 282)
Her (amended) comment on the entire birth-life-death-rebirth continuum refers to her idea that male shamanism is focused on the power of rebirth, while female shamanism is focused on the power of birth (which only women fully possess).
She also says:
“[It is] the transformation of gender or the frequent gender switching, bending, blending, or reversing that is important and that enables shamans to manipulate potent cosmic powers during rituals.” (pg. 250)
“Watching [powerful female, gender-switching shamans] one can come to see that during the rituals femininity and masculinity are not opposite ends of a single sexual spectrum with women on one side, men on the other, and shamans in between. Shamans are taught not to negate or destroy either their masculine or their feminine side. Instead, by shifting genders and embodying characteristics of each gender, they manipulate the male-female polarity itself. Shamans are able to hold incompatible things together because each of the apparent opposites is necessary and in some sense, ‘true’.” (pg. 254)
Reading The Woman in the Shaman’s Body made me realize quickly the power I felt at the idea of wearing John’s clothes. I knew this was an easy and strong way to bring his energy forward in my body, potentially in ceremonial or healing work. In the third article about my partner, I’ll share my experiences finding and wearing his clothing, as well as other ways we found to deepen our understanding of each other and our mutual healing.
This article is part of an ongoing series that follows my journey of Reindeer Shamanism. If you’d like to read more articles in the series or follow along from the beginning, they are collected under the blog category of ‘My Shamanic Path‘.
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