Processing a Shamanic Path

For the rest of October and into the first half of November of 2022, I continued to ruminate on my past life and shamanic experiences, and how they relate and integrate into my current spiritual practices.

Additionally, a message from my mother (who was a clairvoyant and passed away in 2012) in mid-October would add an important component to my shamanic journey, shedding light on an important event in my past life with my Grandfather.

10/14/22, 1 PM, waxing gibbous moon
[An interesting detail about my past life] came through unexpectedly today.  I was sitting at my desk when my phone’s music player started itself up without being touched (at least not by me). I instantly thought of my energy healer telling me how spirits/energy sometimes come through their Spotify to give messages, and suddenly I knew it was Mom getting my attention.

The song that was playing was “Come Calling” by the Cowboy Junkies, which is about the end of a relationship. The part that was playing when the phone started itself was the man reflecting on how he would have to learn to live his life without the one he loved. It’s a sad, painful song, and I understood quickly that it was a reflection of my grandfather losing me young in that lifetime and how difficult it was for him. My death was unexpected and devastating. I don’t know the specifics but they may come in time. 

11/3/22, waxing gibbous moon
I saw my grandfather’s face for the first time when I was working on connecting with that life today. It was moving and powerful; I could see his hands as well, and his hair was relatively long and straight. His face was deeply lined and he radiated a powerful but quiet authority. He was like Dumbledore – a frighteningly powerful magician when he was working, but had the kindest and gentlest heart and soul.

My childhood with him was unique and free. I suspect that I didn’t live like other children in our community. Even as a relatively small child, I was permitted to be part of his rituals. I saw a scene of large, dark adult figures drumming and chanting around a fire, and myself as a child running and dancing around and between them, like a little line of light stitching the dark forms together. This is how my energy was perceived in ritual by my grandfather. My presence wasn’t merely tolerated – he saw it as integral to their work. My child’s energy brought something to their work that they wouldn’t have had otherwise. And it was part of my education. Being present, hearing and seeing the ritual work, and taking in the group energy were part of how I would step into this role when I was older. Being steeped in it as a child would help mold and shape me.

I believe that part of why this lifetime is so beloved is that I never really grew up and took on more serious responsibilities. I started learning shamanistic techniques but was still just learning, and not yet helping or healing others. It was still fun – like a game. I died before I could complete my training and take up a role in the community. So my memories are just of this happy idyllic life where I was in relationship with the earth, birds, and animals, free to explore and become myself in a magical place where I knew I was safe and loved. 

This article is part of an ongoing series that follows the path I’m traveling of Reindeer Shamanism, and how I build my skills and practice. If you’d like to read more articles in the series or follow along from the beginning, they are collected under the blog category of ‘My Shamanic Path‘.

Header image by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash